Taking a page from cartoonist Bill Keene (Family Circus) I am allowing someone else to write my blog today so I can start the Father Day weekend early.   I’m not sure who wrote this but I real liked it so here ya go:

Buying a tool for dad for Father’s Day? Here’s a guide:
Skil Saw
A portable cutting tool used to make boards too short.
Belt Sander
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

Drill Press
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it flings your beer across the room.

Vise Grips
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads.

Table Saw
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. Very effective for finger removal.

Band Saw
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut large pieces into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

Phillips Screwdriver
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids. Can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

Straight Screwdriver
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PVC Pipe Cutter
A tool used to make plastic pipe too short.

Utility Knife
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. These can also be used to initiate a trip to the emergency room so a doctor can sew up the damage.